A Time for Reflection:

   With just under 30 days remaining until I race at Australia’s 2008 swimming Olympic trials I wanted to take some time to reflect on my experiences of the last 14 months. Since World Championship trials in December 2006 I feel like I have been on a tremendous journey both within the water and in life. In fact it’s during this journey that it has become crystal clear to me how my life and swimming are not simply mirrors of one another, but are truly one. Simple sounding concept perhaps, and one that I’ve been aware of for a long time – but never fully grasped in the same depth.

   As you may know, in December 2006 I took on the challenge to coach myself in swimming. This challenge opened up a wealth of new experiences, opportunities… and hardships. It’s been a fantastically exciting experience; full of challenges, puzzles, learning and fun. It has also challenged me to look more deeply and honestly at myself and my swimming as coaching myself eliminates that opportunity to point a finger or blame. I have always challenged myself to have high integrity in my sport and not lay blame on outside sources, but coaching myself eliminated even the mildest of urges I may have had, and completely removed any opportunity! For the first several months it was a stressful experience for me because I could imagined the weight and eyes of the swimming community on me and, probably more significantly, the pressure of living up to my own expectations. Then, unfortunately or miraculously (depending on which side of the experience I stood on) I fell very sick for months mid year 2007. I went through 4 courses of antibiotics and a lot of bed rest to kick a seemingly endless sinus infection. I eventually did, and finally regained my health and competed at the 2007 World University Games in Thailand and immediately after qualify for World Short Course to be held in Manchester in April 2008. And I learned a lot about expectations and how excessive pressure can be a negative factor.

   Something in my changed approach to swimming and coaching, and life. Something shifted and I began to realize how wonderful the whole experience was. I’ve always loved swimming, I’ve always enjoyed training and been a motivated athlete. And I’ve always pushed myself and dedicated myself to my full capacity. But I’ve also often focused on the endpoint of the season, the major competition to assess my worth as an athlete and the worth of that preceding season of swimming and training. Though I’ve always taken a positive approach to it, I still had this single moment looming over me. What shifted in me is that I now appreciate my worth as an athlete on a day in and day out basis. I look for challenges each day in my experience and find a great joy in the journey.

   To be clear I definitely have the goal of making the 2008 Australian Olympic team. I am doing everything within my power physically, emotionally and mentally to reach and achieve that goal. This shift in my approach to training and living hasn’t diminished that goal in the least, it has simply helped me to slow down and smell the roses – and also fully immerse myself in any hardships (and seek the appropriate help when necessary) I’ve come across to learn and grow form them rather than shut down and fear that all is lost because a couple weeks don’t go as planned. The experience of qualifying for Worlds 2008 and being elected Australian World University Games Captain after such a challenging season on my health remind me that things really can work out wonderfully even when it seems that the universe is conspiring against me. I’ve learnt that although I may seem a step out of time with everything it doesn’t mean that I won’t regain my balance and timing.

   Many wonderful and loving people have really shined in their support towards me in the last 14 months of my life and it’s so very important to acknowledge them at this stage. First and foremost my family have been amazing in their support, kindness and generosity towards me and I truly feel we’ve grown much closer by the experience. They’ve not only supported me mentally and emotionally, but also made it financially possible for me to continue to live my dreams. They have become my truest heroes, and have moved me beyond words with their selfless love and support.

   Also many coaches have stood up to help me learn how to put it all together. I’d like to extend a special thank you to my university coach Jim Steen of Kenyon College for taking a great deal of time to help me learn how to write a season plan, how to be flexible with it over the course of the season, and giving me ideas on how to formally lay out the energy systems I wanted to work on a seasonal, weekly and daily basis. I’d also like to extend a special thank you to Jo Maclean for her endless support and kindness. Over several years Jo has helped me to shift my perspectives and see the whole forest, not just some trees, and also been wonderfully supportive in helping me to integrate so many seemingly separate but intimately interrelated areas of my life. Another important thank you goes to Marcia Pittman who, since December 2004, has helped me shed so many emotional, mental and physical inhibitions to help prepare me for the intimately related journeys of life and swimming. And, more recently, thank you to Judith Boothby, - a fantastic chiropractor in Portland who is helping me find greater balance in my muscles and switch on muscles that haven’t worked since before my back surgery in 1998! To the wonderful team at Holographic Health and Sports Lab in Sydney, and to Laura Green of Green Massage Therapy in Portland - thank you so much! Thank you to all the wonderful people who have come in and out of my life to teach me, support me, share with me, and help me put it all together. Also to my amazing and supportive friends who stand by me regardless of any outcomes. And finally, thank you to Sydney University Sport, Steven Alderman and Paul Haslam for being simply amazing for many many years.

   It may seem strange to take this time when I still have 30ish days left of this swimming season. But the truth is, the outcome at trials won’t alter this feeling of success in the face of challenge that I have achieved within me. Nor does it change the gratitude that I feel for so many wonderful people/swimmers/coaches/friends who have been there every step of the way with me (or for at least several significant steps on my journey!!). Before 2006 World Championships Trials (one of my seemingly less successful competitions over the years) I remember saying to people that I’d be devastated if I didn’t make the team. The outcome was that I was in a very poor mental and emotional state during the competition and I didn’t make the team! But even in the low of that experience in my swimming career something wonderful has resulted – these last 14 months! Through all of the challenges and successes I’ve experienced since December 2006 I’ve gained an integration of body, mind and spirit that I had only ever dreamed of before; and to live concepts and teachings that previously had only made sense in my mind (if at all!).  

   A final thank you is to all of you who are reading this, who have read all (or some) of my stories over the years, and who have stood by me in your support. Thanks for all those fast energy vibes you send me, the good luck wishes, and the genuine kindness you’ve gifted to me. It is deeply appreciated and I truly believe it’s made a big difference. Thank you.